i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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