he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
