we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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