Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
