are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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