She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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