I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
