The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
