Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
