I must be too annoying 4 u.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
