Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
