And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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