I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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