Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
