I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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