just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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