is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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