this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
