My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
