I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
