Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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