last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
