Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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