So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
