and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
