I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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