She is in my trunk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
