people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
These tits shall not be calmed
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