My friends, they love my intelligence
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
