I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
