something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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