i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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