I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
