Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
