Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
