Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
