you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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