Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
