is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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