I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
