I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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