1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
