We won't sleep together?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
