i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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