He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
