Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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