the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
