It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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