This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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