I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
